candid me

emotastic wednesday..

2009-08-19T03:46:05Z

RX DJ Delamar put what's going on in my head very aptly. It's like she took the words out of my mouth.

"The truth is, some days, maybe because things have not worked out…maybe because it is taking so long…I doubt if I even have a “happy ever after” of my own..

The truth is, no matter how strong you know you can be, you just want someone to be on your side…maybe not to fight for you but just to be there to hold your hand when you’re done fighting for yourself…

The truth is, sometimes I get so scared at the life ahead of me because it is so uncertain I pray to high heavens to open up the earth and swallow me…

The truth is, sometimes this single girl feels like an outsider looking in when I see how happy my friends are with the one they love…

The truth is, I sometimes wonder if I have been wrong all along believing and hoping that my turn will come…"

sad day

2009-03-12T01:58:13Z

dear you,

i was so psyched and excited when i got up today. i even curled my hair! it's my 25th birthday. and you promised you'll block off your sched for me. we will have a simple breakfast somewhere and devour shrimps for lunch. coffee and hangout afterwards. minimal work interruptions. but these didn't happen. you ruined my birthday. and you're not even sorry. :(

I'm back!

2008-10-30T10:28:58Z

i cannot single out a reason why i've stopped blogging for the past year. anyway, i'll write about it when i'm in the mood. :)

GETTING BY

2007-09-25T00:36:56Z

TO SUM IT ALL UP - MY LIFE IS A MESS

I can't seem to have my work organized. Problems spring from all angles. Murphy's Law applied full blast. People I considered my friends left me hanging. The pang of betrayal still fresh.

But I am ok. Could be better, but I am ok. God continues to be my source of strength.

couldn't have said it better

2007-06-03T23:30:21Z

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!"

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

-Iris, Kate Winslet's character in the movie "The Holiday"

the day i had half a million pesos

2007-06-02T01:02:56Z

it was two days before the end-month and everyone in the office was busy trying to fill in the gaps in their volume targets.. me included. so my boss, rica, decided to accompany me to my account in pateros. it was supposed to be a simple sell-in and collection of cheques. but no, the account decided to issue cold cash amounting to a little over half a million pesos. wads of hundred-peso bills that we had to count. i'll never do that again. aside from not liking the stinky smell of old bills, carrying half a million can be very dangerous. thank God my boss and i were able to return to the office safely.

lost for the umpteenth time

2007-05-09T10:03:54Z

Yesterday our district manager and general sales manager asked to speak with me. Now this caught me offguard. I couldn't think of any reason why they wanted to speak with me in private. What did I do wrong? Is this about the "boy and girl" issue again? And it didn't help that their opening spiel was "Umamin ka na.." After giving them a semi-innocent stare they then segued to "Seriously speaking, we wanted to let you know that we nominated you to be part of the MS&P." Another blank stare from me. They continued to explain that this new position will handle all marketing strategy and plannning for the P&G distributors in GMA. I would still have to go through a series of interviews and there are two other nominees for the position. I'm not sure if I should be glad. The pessimistic side of me is saying that this is just their way of getting rid of me. Hahahaha. Paranoid. I spoke with my boss-aunt about it and she said this was a great opportunity that I should take. Besides, I won't lose anything by trying. I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the unknown. I really don't know..

hoping you'll be able to read these someday..

2007-04-29T19:28:19Z

Thank you for spending time with me the past days. For making an effort to ensure we're ok, we're still friends. I know you've noticed that things haven't been the same ever since the friendster thingee even if we still have breaksfast together almost every morning, or play badminton every wednesday or whenever we feel like playing. To be honest I tried to avoid you, I wanted to. But I can't. I don't know why.

"Sometimes, it's not love. Sometimes, you've just become so attached that you've developed a need for that person. Just a need, not love." -Anonymous (got this quote from lakwatsera's lj entry)

Maybe this'll explain it. I don't know. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...

you were asking why ck and i had a misunderstanding right? it's because we were 30minutes away from your birthday and she wanted to go home already. i really wanted to stay and greet you the second the clock striked 12mn...

badminton.montalban.coffee.less sugar.goodnight.text.breaksfast.stories.acropolis. coffee cake.stories.sta.lucia.metro east.stories.tshirt.movie.stories.perfect strangers.cold draft.stories.tshirt.dvds.tshirts.marikina.stories.up.sc.chicken balls.stories.buko juice.isaw.buko juice.street kids.stories.apology.stories.goodbye.thanks.hugtext.

happy birthday papa!

2007-04-29T18:41:36Z

More often than not when people see my parents they say that I look a lot like my dad. A carbon copy or a chip off the old block. We both have curly/wavy hair, expressive eyes, cleft chins and even a scar located on the left side of our upper lip. We both like to sing videoke and belt out a few of our favorite tunes. We also like to paint, sketch or at the very least doodle (I was his monita last Christmas and he bought me a new set of watercolor tubes and colored pencils =) yipee!). We also bond through our food trips of chicharon bituka and isaw. We both know these are bad for our health but we succumb to our whims once in awhile. We love basketball and used to play 21 anytime we felt like it. We love to eat and we save the best part of the meal for our last subo (chicken skin, tiyan ng isda etc)

I've always looked up to papa. He's a good provider, a loving husband to mama and a great father to us, his four children. He's mild-mannered and his authority is respected. He hates being late. He claps to hurry us up when we dilly-dally when preparing for church on sundays. He snores a lot and we're used to it. I like it when he tells stories of our ancestors, his childhood adventures and misadventures, the make-believe heroes he's invented for us (I was yellow cheetah). He taught me to dance the swing, and I love it when we dance. He's malambing, I love his notes, letters he's written for my birthdays and graduations. He sends me text messages just to let me know he loves me or to remind me to take care. He's never imposed on me what course I should have taken and has often encouraged me to pursue what I like. He's my hero. But all heroes have their weakness, their Achilles' heel. He's diabetic and just recently he's been diagnosed with spondylitis. There are no cures to these ailments. ='(

He's not perfect, but I love him just the way he is. He has tripped and fallen a number of times but he continues to cling on to God. He's God's servant. A good and faithful servant. :)

I love you papa. I'm proud of you. Happy Birthday!

over-eating..

2007-04-23T06:23:39Z

Yuck.. I feel so bloated.. :( I was supposed to have breakfast with birthday boy boss bigtime and Robert but they took their sweet time finishing some paper work and by time they completed those my leadership meeting was about to start na. And so my stomach was grumbling all morning. I was so hungry I could've devoured anything edible. I was able to have lunch a little past 1pm and Ma'am Rica ordered all sorts of viands - sweet and sour lapu-lapu, sauteed squid in oyster sauce, mixed veggies in cream sauce with quail eggs, kare-kare, bitter gourd sauteed in egg, inihaw na liempo, lechon kawali, kaldereta etc. For dessert we chose from yema, choco cream cake (courtesy of nihra) and fresh bananas. I'm suddenly very sleepy. There goes my diet. *sigh*

next big thing

2007-04-12T17:54:54Z

I've always been awed by Drew's talents in music. He and his former bandmates in highschool reunited and I'm now officially a fan of the Cuttlefish.

check this out: http://makovergara.multiply.com/video/item/4

just a friend

2007-04-10T02:10:46Z

You are not one of my favorite people right now. You usually are the one who brightens up my day, with your unwavering sunshine-y disposition and all. I don't like how our relationship has turned awkward. I respect the fact that you already have a girlfriend and I'm not doing anything to take you away from her. I just hope you could explain that to her. If the testimonial I made caused such a chaos, you might as well reject it. I guess I'm just disappointed that you couldn't stand up for me.

holy week '07

2007-04-09T18:38:38Z

It's been a good 5-day respite from work. Originally I planned to spend Maundy Thursday til Black Saturday with my highschool friends - ck, richel, gelo and andrew - in Bataan and follow my family at Subic and stay there til Easter Sunday. Richel, who was supposed to bring the car, backed out last minute. After a number of attempts to iron out our trip, we decided not to push through. So I ended up spending Maundy Thurs at home with my siblings watching Heroes marathon. My family and I headed for Subic Good Friday. On the way there, we saw a parade of devotees flogging themselves. I really can't see the point why they're doing this. Jesus has died for our sins.

We stayed at West Kalayaan courtesy of Tito Raymond. And so we slept, ate, watched more of Heroes, played frisbee, went fishing, slept more, and ate more. hahaha!

Tito Raymond also treated us for an authentic Korean dinner at, get this, Jewel in the Palace! hahahaha! They serve a mean kimchi rice and korean barbeque. I'd give them 4 forks out of 5. ;) The room just became too smoky towards the end of the meal.

We decided to stay until monday, but mama, papa and grandma had to leave sunday because they have a previously set engagement in manila. We spent the afternoon playing more frisbee at the beachfront near boardwalk and just goofed around.

I injured my right thigh as i stressed to catch the frisbee. I also slipped down the steps of a local shop, this time bruising my left shin. As if those weren't enough, three toes of my left foot hit a corner metal of the rack at Fila's outlet shop. I was feeling bad so I decided to buy a new pair of rubber shoes. Adidas had a sale and I found the most adorable pair of orange badminton rubber shoes.

It wasn't as I planned it to be. But all's good. :)

i'm back

2007-04-05T03:24:15Z

i haven't had the same passion for blogging ever since i changed blogsites. so after 2 years of hibernating, i decided to play the prodigal daughter role and return "home". hehehe.

my attempt at html-ing

2005-07-24T07:23:17Z

have been trying to learn how to use HTML on my own.. check out my new blog

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=thereseyangela

ok.. ok.. i know i still need more practice with this HTML thingee.. :)

link me na rin :D will be using this one for quite some time rin :)

dreaming to be like the corrs

2005-04-16T19:38:52Z

My parents just came back from Cebu and they brought home a new guitar. Yey!! I will seriously try to learn how to play that instrument this summer! I'll see first if I can learn on my own. But if I can't maybe I'll contact some "friends" who can teach me how to play it. Tasha wants to learn too. Though she also wants to concentrate on improving her voice so she could be our vocalist and be like Andrea Corr.. hehehe.. you see we dream of making our own music and be like the Corrs. Maybe Ate could learn how to play the violin or the piano or the drums or the flute. Maybe we could leave the drums to carlo since he's already a drummer.. hehehehe.. yeah.. a girl can dream.. =D

random thoughts about the future and being jobless

2005-04-14T16:33:15Z

i'm a bum. with graduation just around the corner, soon i'll be officially jobless. unemployed. i choose to be. at least just for the next couple of months. i'd like to take my time, because they say that once you start working, you wouldn't have the same luxury of time. haaa! what am i talking about? i'm not sure really. the future is still misty. i do hope the fog will clear up soon. i'm not too sure where i'll be next year. hopefully with a stable job, a good paying one at that or any place where i'll be happy and contented.

i'm just blabbing..

yeah.. bored..

maybe next time i'll make more sense.. hehehehe...

Food Trip!!

2005-04-13T17:57:15Z

We were at my Grandma's house yesterday. My mom's aunt, who we call Tita Baby, suddenly had a craving for the t-bone steak she saw at Charlene Gonzales' show. She just knew it was served at a restaurant named Snackaroo. Where it was she didn't have a clue. We tried checking it out at the yellow pages and we also contacted the operator but the address or phone number of the said restaurant wasn't listed. So we tried ClickTheCity too. But alas.. It wasn't there also. Feeling a bit of adventurous, we decided to take our chance and look for it somewhere in the ABS-CBN area or maybe along Tomas Morato. Along Morato, we had to carry gas, but the gas station where we stopped didn't accept credit cards so we had to look for another gas station. We decided to turn right at Kamuning and carried gas at nearest station. We asked the attendant if she knew any resto near the area called Snackaroo. She did! Snackaroo was located at the street perpendicular to Kamuning and parallel to Tomas Morato. We didn't actually expect to find it. Hehehe.. Their steak's good.. tender and tasty. the serving size is also huge. Well worth the effort we exerted to find the place. =D Tita Baby also treated us at Aling Banang's Halo-halo. It was so good. The halo-halo had ice cream in place of ice. That was really a lot of ice cream! =) We went to Greenhills afterwards to "walk-off" everything we ate. But we ended up at the Sevilla Sweets and Pasalubongs Store buying pastillas de leche, macapuno balls,longganisa and butong pakwan. Life's good. =)

check!

2005-04-11T18:16:52Z

I had no plans or whatsoever of going to campus this afternoon. but I'm glad did. hehe.. I found some of my blockmates lounging around the sofas located at the lobby of our college. They immediately asked me to fill out a form for my TCG request because they were going to the cashier's office soon. They also prodded me to inquire about my GWA. I have been worrying that I didn't do too well in my Span 11 finals to be able to reach the cum laude status. I readied myself for the worst case scenario as I entered the admin office. I expected a 4. I've always been more of a half glass empty person or a pessimist. I just didn't want to keep my hopes up. But God's so good. I got a 1.5 (which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than 4 =D) My GWA is 1.606, just 0.15 short of being magna cum laude. But I'm contented. I know 0.15 is still a big gap to fill. And I didn't exactly work my butt off to achieve that. I'm happy being a candidate for cum laude. =)

15 mins later

After seeing the long line at the cashier's office, we decided to put off for tomorrow our payment for the TCG's.

armidoodles , lakongmaisip , liar and I went on an adventure of a lifetime. .hehehe.. we've been wanting to see the house of a certain person and we finally had time and gathered enough info to be able to locate that person's house. Having only clues from our DPA (mang CV), we searched the land called tierra pura for the house of ______________. =) And like being guided by an invisible hand, we effortlessly found the house. :) (pictures to follow)

After celebrating our success at 711, we went back to mass comm to meet with other blockmates and plan for our grad party. yey!! We finally settled where to hold it, who to invite and who'll be in charge of what.

We then went to check more things off our checklist of things to do before graduating:

find adarna house---check

eat isaw---check check check!

go to sarah's---

find a boyfriend---

have picture taken with the big UP seal at the Quezon Hall --- check

find the real Oblation statue--- check!

participate in the lantern parade--- check

cross the pipe ---

jog/walk the entirety of the acad oval--- check

etc....

Today, we checked crossing the pipe off the list . The experience was exhilarating. I didn't think of the distance of the pipe from the ground when I got on it. I was too excited to cross it. But when I got to the part of the creek, my knees began to turn to jelly. I didn't want to let go of the branch of the tree nearby. After a few seconds, I regained my courage and carried on. Turning back wasn't an option for it would be much harder to turn one's back than to move forward. I only had slippers on. Not much traction really. When I would stop and check how much further we had to cover, the pipe seemed to move up, down and forward. It was a weird hallucination. But the feeling when we reached the end of the pipe was really something else. I felt fulfilled. Hehehe.. It was a good feeling..

don't let the pictures fool you, it's really much harder than you think...

Now, going to Sarah's isn't too hard. But finding a boyfriend is. . hehehehe.. =) I guess that's one thing I can't force off the list.. I'll have to settle to finding a friend who's a boy/guy.. (a real one at that!) =D

just anything that comes to mind

2005-04-09T16:06:46Z

on this hot summer night i finally am in the mood to update my blog.. hehehe.. some may be very old news.. but i want to relive the events that happened after the last time i posted a blog entry.. hehehe... so here goes..

my 21st birthday

davey, gino, miguel, mike, haphi, ck, kai, kat, alina and monica saved me from a very crappy 21st birthday..yeah.. i still had fun although i spent almost half the day moping around.. i had a spa day...got a massage and a foot spa and had my nails done.. i love pampering myself.. hehe.. anyway, i know my blockmates tried their best to be able to go to my party and i do understand that they have a shoot and that the car broke down.. but i won't deny the fact that i was disappointed they couldn't come.. oh well... had fun naman with the karaoke naman.. hehehe...

THESIS

The day after my birthday, we shot our underwater scene for our thesis.. it went well.. had fun.. and i even had my own underwater shot taken... =D I don't have it with me as of the moment.. will try to post pictures asap.. :D

By March 16, after another string of conflicts and delays, we were able to re-shoot our thesis. All went well that day. Had a blast with the new cast. We finally had a complete story. Friday, March 18, we recorded our score at Sound Design at Makati. We were waiting for Kyla and Kuya Iking at the receiving area when a very very cute guy went in. Mel, Carla and i immediately looked at each other and approved of the sighting. Suddenly the receptionist told us that the cute guy will be our sound editor!!! How cool is that!?! We also learned that he's part of Tropical Depression. He also added ad lib for our score.. he's gooooood.. :) Carla and Kuya Iking were also perfect! We're really blessed. We finished our editing in one day, we just had to do some revisions after our thesis adviser saw our rough/first cut. He had great suggestions. March 23: THESIS DEFENSE - I cried because i couldn't take the pressure anymore. We were 2nd in the roster to be roasted.. hehe.. mel and i were wearing our "i will survive" t-shirts...and we did survive the panelists' comments. We passed. :)

FINISHING COLLEGE

I finally submitted the very last requirement of my college life last wednesday: our bound written thesis. A sense of relief washed over me as I handed them over to Ate Fortune. But a certain sadness also welled-up inside me. I still can't believe college is over. Not yet officially though, I still don't have my diploma with me. hehe.. (more of this at my next posts.. )

to be continued...

On being legal

2005-03-11T23:32:58Z

i'm officially legal today. another year older.

what are the pros and cons of being twenty-one? hmmmm...

some say i must get my own tin number already. i need to pay my taxes. (huwhat?! i'm jobless pa!).
and since i am no longer a minor, if ever i commit a felony (hehehe) the full force of the law will be applied to me! (scary... note to self: never break the law) :D
at least i can go to casinos.. hehehe.. ang babaw.. i never really liked gambling but i really must try those slot machines :D while i'm at it, if ever i learn how to play poker i'll play at least one game, and black jack too :D just once, i really don't like risking losing money :)
i can be served liquor (well, this hasn't been a problem before because i don't drink out much, or if i do, i let others buy me a drink)

can't think of other good/not so good things being twenty-one can do..

more freedom=more responsibility...

yeah... i know that..

and we chose re-shoot

2005-03-05T17:20:52Z

i never really entertained the idea of re-shooting our whole thesis. it's just not practical. but i ended up with no choice but to re-shoot the whole thing. our actress isn't available for another week because she has other scheduled shoots. we can't afford to wait for her. besides, we're not very satisfied with the acting of the first young actress we got so we decided to replace her.. ergo the decision to reshoot the whole thing. Good thing our prof in cinematography will lend us lights. that's a big load off our shoulders. we're re-shooting this tuesday and wednesday. we haven't really prepared well for this one. we'll have the underwater shoot this tuesday. i hope the camera won't conk out on us!! it's worth more than a hundred thousand!! i just lift everything to God. :D

Mel and Me

shoot stills

2005-03-05T16:39:34Z

here are some pictures from our test shoot

Sunrise at Calatagan

isang mangingisdang nangangarap ng magandang huli

para matupad ang mga pangarap ng mangingisda

the circle getting smaller and going to church

2005-03-05T15:59:02Z

for the past three months my world revolved around my thesis. and ooohhh...span and expe. i hung around my blockmates. my film friends. my cmc orgmates. mostly anything that had something to do with acads ate my time. i worked hard because this is the end of the road for my college life. either i make it or break it. i gave up my weekends for thesis shoots. ever since i did that i didn't have ample time with my family anymore. but they continued to support me 100% on what ever i was doing. i didn't have a social life outside my cmc circle. i failed to attend 2 family reunions. i haven't been to any stillwaters gathering for months. i haven't seen a movie in 3 months! (and i call myself a film student) :( i haven't gone to church for about 2 months (but i did take part in the EZRA week). i go to school, i go home, do some school stuff, sleep for a couple of hours before starting a new day.

was it all worth it? i don't know why.. but i feel empty.

i now find my circle getting smaller. i am beginning to get suffocated. i'm not saying i'm not happy where i am now. i love my block. i love my thesis partner. i love my orgs. and i enjoyed all the shoots i joined. it's just that i think i need to spread my wings more. reach out to other people who matter to me, people who value me. i must learn how to balance my time. i must manage my time without sacrificing other aspects of my life. i musn't compromise.

i was evaluating the past month or so.. i was wondering where mel and i went wrong with our shoot. i concluded it wasn't really our fault. we had everything planned out. from line throwing with the young actress to the story board to the minutest arrangements needed for our shoot. i even remember i took note of the booboo's those who filmed earlier made so we wouldn't commit them too. even if there was a last-minute-hitch, we ironed it all out the night before out shoot. i gave myself and mel all the credit for fixing things. That's where i went wrong. I gave myself a pat in the back when i should have attributed all the glory to God. I wanted to pray with my crew before we began shooting. But when things began getting messed up I forgot about that plan. i was so focused on the problem that arose i momentarily forgot that my god is an Able God. I failed to trust Him. I feel so bad. I haven't been able to go to church for more than a month! i guess that's why i feel empty.

i am excited to finally go to church again. :) this is the first weekend i don't have a shoot ever since toni and may started the series of shoots. i can't wait! :D

To re-shoot or not to re-shoot

2005-03-02T14:39:51Z

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..................

why did they move the thesis defense to an earlier date?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we haven't even decided if we should re-shoot or not...

given the time left before the defense, i think it's impractical to re-shoot everything.

as disappointed as i am with the acting of our child actress, i think we have to make do with most of our shots.

re-shooting everything would mean we flushed 76K down the drain..

besides.. we don't have have enough money to support another out of town shoot..

what can we do???????

what should we do???

sigh.... TOXIC....